Eyeballs. Or boobs?
I know what I know.
I mean, I really do. 100% certain in most cases. The only real horrid fights I’ve gotten in with Anders have been because I knew something For Certain, and he said that I had gotten it wrong. But it was he who had gotten it wrong.
So what happens if you’re wrong about that, he asked me later, when we could laugh about how steamed I had become.
But I’m never wrong about things I’m absolutely certain about, I told him.
And so the circular thinking goes.
We hear it a lot. Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me.
In the Bay Area we had a court case where a young man was shot whilst laying on the ground, face down. The police offer who shot him said he meant to taser the kid. The slain young man’s family said it was a killing, plain and simple. The jury, bound by law to choose a side, found the officer guilty of involuntary manslaughter.
I don’t know how decisions like this are made, because how can anyone climb inside the head of someone else? How can we really know what was said … and what was heard … or felt … or implied?
I know a friend whose marriage was on the rocks. It happens. They had been married a long time. Knew each other’s patterns as much as they knew the exact place on the wall to feel for the light switch in the middle of the night.
Except that they didn’t. In therapy, when each was asked to say what the other was thinking, or implying in a conversation, they both got it wrong. She thought he was subtly saying X, except that he wasn’t. He was sure she was thinking Y. But she was thinking K. When they were shown this, a beautiful and humbling thing happened. They realized they had to let go of the idea that they knew everything.
I think, at the end of the day, we do know what we know. What we don’t know, is what everyone else knows.
And that’s a fact.